Radio Script #132
Little Talks On Common Things
January 20, 1952
Not al I the scandals about the income tax concern the Collectors of Internal Revenue and their employees. Among the tax payers themselves are plenty of crooks. Tax ch i se If ng is big bUS iness. I t costs the government a b i ilion and a half dol lars every year. The Investigations, long overdue, are at last making ita II too c I ear that ce rta I n taxpayers who know the ropes, or at leas t who know the right people, have been managing to beat the tax laws year after year. Now the tax dodger’s work Is comi ng out I nto the open for a II of us to see.
The Bureau of Internal Revenue is now wise to most of the tricks, and U. S. News and World Report issues a timely warning that anyone who thinks he can get away with it Is in for an unhappy surprise. Inflating deductible business costs, side payments that fail to show up in business records, under-counter -dealings, cash transactions without the passing of any paper, kick-backs from salaried employees — these and many other sharp practices are well known to the revenue offl cers.
But even if you can get away with it, think twice before you try it. Suppose every citizen in America were that kind of cheater. What sort of nation would we then have?
I am interested to learn that the Watervi lie Rotary Club wi II produce, with local talent, next Wednesday evening in the American legion Bui Idlng, that exciting popular play “The Night of January 16th”. My own interest in that play stems from the fact that it marked my one and only personal appearance on the stage of the lakewood Theater. When ”The Ni ght of January 16th” was produced there, a few years ago, I was chosen to serve as foreman of the Jury on the opening night. Yes, the Jury for that play is chosen from the audience. Who wi II e the twelve members of the jury when Rotary puts on the play next Wednesday eveni ng?
One of the richest mines of historical information about the Kennebec Valley has been accumulated through the years in the home of Arthur Ellis of Fairfield. Before her death a few years ago Mrs. Ellis was one of the region’s best known historians and genealogists. She collected, arranged, and preserved many precious documents of the old days. It was my privi lege a few weeks ago to spend an afternoon with Mr. EI lis — a very rewa~dingexp~r}Eince. Thou9h_ nea,:_’ y_ 85 years 0 I d, Mr. Ell is reta i ns an alert mind and an extraordinary memory for facts, names and relationships of long ago. Living in the house where he was born in 1863, Mr. Ellis is sur~ rounded by hundreds of mementos of the old days — the cruel looking gadget with which his great-grandfather used to pul I teeth, scrap books galore, legal documents and letters that go back more than a hundred years.
Mr. Ellis’ mother was a Howard, and her grand:f;ather — Mr. Ellis’ great—::-i grandfather — was one of the most prominent residents of Sidney in the early days, Dr. Ambrose Howard. Genealogists have long known that the family names of Howard and Hayward are the same. In the year 1635 two brothers, John and James Hayward came from Somersetshlre, England to what is now Danbury, Mass. Soon John went to I ive in Bridgewater in the family of Captain Mi les Standish. James went to Bermuda and was never heard from again.
John Hayward’s son Jonathan was a major of mi litla. His son Abia’ graduated from Harvard in 1729 and became a physician. He changed the fam; Iy name to Howard. His son Daniel married a Hayward just before the Revolution In 1772. It was his son Ambrose Howard, great-great-grandson of the original immigrant, who came to Sidney late in the 18th century as the town’s first physician. Not only was Ambrose Howard a doctor; he was also storekeeper, postmaster and justice of the peace. He died In 1835 and I want to tell you tonight about his wi I I and the Inventory of his estate.
Ambrose Howard’s wi I I was signed in Sidney on March 4, 1834, a little more than a year before his death. The witnesses were John Sawtelle, Edwin Arnold, and Columbus Howard. In usual legal language the wi I I begins: “I, Ambrose Howard of Sidney in the County of Kennebec and the State of Maine, physician, do make and pub I ish th Is, my last wi I I and testament.”
Much has been made of an item in Shakespeare’s wi tI, wherein he bequeathed to his wife his second best bed. Ambrose HOWard did better than that. The first item of his wi II reads: “I give to my wife two of the best feather beds, bedsteads, cords, under beds, bolsters and pillows. I give her two of the best coverlets and two of the bedsteads, al I the woolen blankets, and al I sheets and pi I low cases, and al I the towels and table cloths. I give her four of the best bed comforters. I give her six of the best dining chairs, one large and two small rocking chairs. I give her a bureau, two blue chests, all the fancy baskets and bandboxes, and my traveling trunk. I give her one 3! foot table, one table with a drawer and lightstand. I give her one dozen best teaspoons, half a dozen best tablespoons, and a dozen best knives and forks. I give her one water pa I I and one mi I k pa I I, two sma I I wash tubs and one pounding barre I, one meat tub and one Iron-bound butter firkin. I give her one pair wrought-Iron and irons, one crane, and six pot-hooks, one fire pan and tongs. I give he r one cow, one large looking-glass, two of;'”the best wooden trays, al I the best earthen plates, one sma I I meat dish, one pudding dish, and one large pewter platter, all the sma I I glass bottles, one three-pint green glass bottle. I give her one soap barre I, one wooden mortar, and two of the best lime cas.ks, the two best cand lesticks, the best pair of snuffers, and the candle box. I give her one bushel basket, one cross-hand led peat basket, and one pa I r of sma I I s tee I yards. ”
More than a hundred years after that wi I I was written, it certain Iy strikes us as strange to see bequeathed to a wife the kind of property we today take for granted as belonging to her anyway — bed clothes, table linen, dishes, knives and forks. But those old timers like Ambrose Howard knew both the law and the custom. If they waAted a surviving wife to have any of the household articles, the surest way was to particulari ze them, Item by Item, in the wi II.
When Ambrose Howard made th I s wi /I, his 01 dest son ,Erasmus Darwin Howard, was seeking his fortune in far-away New Orleans, and on sane future pragr:am I want to tell you about a letter which Erasmus Darwin wrote his father in the same year, 1834. But. tonight we are talking about the father’s will. He remembered the absent son: “I give to my oldest son, Erasmus Darwin Howard, a note Which he gave me for $268.40, dated May 1, 1832, payable on demand with Interest annually. give him an order he drew on me In favor of Daniel Ormoby, dated Aprl I 28, 1828. give him an account I have against him, the balance due on which Is $308.62. I give him Paley’s Moral and Political Philosophy, Darwin’s Loononla In two volumes, Foster on Popular Ignorance, and six volumes of the New York Mad I ca I Rapos I tory. ”
Next comes the daughter, Marla Dunbar Brown. In June, 1828, he had loaned-) Marla a hundred dollars. He now declared her released from the debt. He gave her an additional hundred dollars, to be paid $50 a year, In each of the first two years following his death. And for good measure he also gave Marla one CCN. Like most of the careful businessmen of a century ago, Dr. Howard wanted to make sure that his debts were cleared. He didn’t take any chance on his executor sett II ng the debts I n hi s own way from the res i due of the estate, but rather he laid down specific directions: “It Is my will that the half of the ml lis that I bought of Wi II iam Lovejoy and wife, and the mill house and the store stand I ng near It, be sol d to pay a debt lowe to Samue I Dunbar, Esq., and the surplus, if any, be appropriated to pay my other debts. It Is my wi /I that a debt of about $300, due me from William and Hiram Lovejoy, be collected and let out on undoubted security on interest payable annually, punctually collected and paid to my wife so long as she remains my widow.”
It was the second son, Barnabas Dunbar Howard, who was made executor of his father’s estate. He was apparently the doctor’s favorite, for to him was left “a II the rest, resl due and rema inder of my property whether real or personaI, not disposed of the foregoing bequests, after paying my Just debts and funera I cha rges.” Since no rea I estate, except the ml II, ml II house and store have been mentioned, we may assume that the doctor’s dwel ling went not to his wIfe, but to this son Barnabas.
The doctor also wanted to make sure that Barnabas had proper facilities for cultivating the mind. One item in the will provides: “It is my wi” that my medical library be sold, and that my executor appropriate the proceeds to pur~.1 chase such books and periodical publications as are calculated to Improve his own min d and the min ds of his fam I I Y • ”
Accompanying the will, preserved among Arthur Ellis’ papers, is a complete inventory. The big foolscap sheet is headed, “Inventory of the estate of Ambrose Howard, late of Sidney, tn the County of Kennebec”. The whole estate was appraised at a little more than $5,000, which was a comfortable amount in those early days of the Kennebec Valley. The items run to four long pages, and lists objects valued as little as twenty cents. Naturally the larger items of real estate come first. They were one undivided half of home and farm bui Idings, valued at $1,000; one undivided half of saw and grist mill with all the machinery, tools and land attached, valued at $950. Another dwelling house with outbui Idings and land was set down at $200; the store with land at $200; four acres of wi Id land at $20. His principal pew in the Baptist Meetinghouse was valued at $37.50, another pew at $8, and one-fifth interest in eight undivided pews at $10.
Next comes the I I vestock: a horse at $30, a cow at $22, a two year old hei fer at $16, four ca Ives at $6 rap iece, and eight sheep at $2 ! ap iece. The farm machinery Included four ploughs, two harrows, one cart and rigging, a wood sled, a wagon sled, six ox chains, one ox yoke, one cart tongue, axes, wedges, forks, hoes, rakes, scythes, a wheelbarrow, a horse trace, and a grindstone. Although five hay forks were put down at 25 cents apiece, one manure fork was valued at a dollar. Except for the cart, which was entered at $18, the entire outfit of farm tools was valued at less than $40. There was, however, a chaise and harness, said to be worth $45, a buffalo robe at $2.50, and a saddle and bridle at $1.00. A winnowing machine was entered at $6.00. Think of the price of lumber today, then note this entry: “215 feet clear pine boards, $4.30”. Two white oak plank — we are not told the length — were I I sted at $1 .00. Among the sma II i terns I s a cod line at 20 cents. Does this mean a fish line, or is It somethl ng else? I f the former, what was a doctor up In Inland Sidney doing with a cod line?
Only $42 was allowed for four stoves and thei r funnels. In spite of the great length of this inventory, it amazingly contains no furniture except a writing desk, val ued at $1.75, but it does carefully list bed spreads, quilts, coverlets, blankets, sheets and pillow cases. Two spinning wheels are valued at $1.25, one winder at 40 cents, two tenters at 50 cents, and two cheesehooks at 42 cents. The doctor’s entire wearing apparel is apprai~sed at $36.76, and his library at $75. Especially interesting is the list of his professional Items: “phials and contents $3.60, medicine $8, saddlebags and contents $6, Instruments for extracting teeth $2.50, case of Instruments $2, a mortar and pestle $1.50.”
The appraJsers took due account of the doctor’s debtors, some of whom owed him substantial amounts. The Interest was faithfully computed and Included. We have already seen that his son Erasmus Darwin Howard owed him nearly $600; son Bamabas owed $25.60. The Haywards — you will recall that Hayward and Howard were or I gina I I Y the same name ,. so these Haywards we re p robab lyre I at I ves — the Haywards owed Dr. Ambrose right and left. Ezra owed him $52.59; Edmund $12.85; Samuel $26.13. The Hutchlnsons, the Arnolds, the Perrys, the Smi leys, the Reyno Ids, and the Lovejoys were a I lin the doctor’s debt, though some of the amounts were very sma II. Seth Pe rry, for instance, is recorded as ow ing Dr. Howard $1.02.
Several Items in the long inventory I am not able to identify. I have no doubt some of my I i stene rs can te II me what exact I y they we re. Anyhow here they are: a rockeriron, an fron squim, a junk bottle, a clock reel and a close stool.
We have Just time enough left for a few more words about words. I am frequent Iy asked the origin of the word “fan” as app I ied to a follower or supporter. We cannot be quite sure how it originated. Some people contend that it referred to the palm-leaf fans commonly used In those hot open stands of the baseball parks in the 1880’s. Others hold that fan is a contraction of fancy. At any rate a . hundred years ago an ardent follower of any sport was called a fancy. The most probably explanation is that it is a contraction of the adjective fanatic.
The origin of the word “fanatic” itself is more interesting. The Roman General Sulla, whi Ie on his famous campaign against Mithradates in Asia Minor, had a dream that the goddess Be Ilona urged him to return to Rome to foresta II p lotting enemies. His success, on following her advice, caused him to erect a temple or fane in her honor. He brought priests from Asia Minor to establish sacred rites. and conducted worship for Bellona. Those rites were scenes of religious frenzy, tearing of clothes, self-mutilation, and scattering of blood on the spectators. The Romans called such frenzy “fanaticiesll , inspired by the fane.
Finally, tonight, you may be interested to know that glamour and grammar are word relatives. In days when most people could not read or write, grammar — Latin grammar, of course, for that was the only kind studied all through the Middle Ages — was supposed to be able to work magic. In England a person who could work magic with Latin mumbo-jumbo was called a grammary. In Scotland he was a g lamer. About 1800 5 i r Wa Iter Scott brought the Scott i sh vers i on, wh i ch he spe lied “g lamour”, into genera I use as a synonym for cham. But bear in mind that the word charm Itself originally meant working magic. As time went on the English word “grammar” came to be associated with linguistics, the study of words; whi Ie glamour came to have its present meaning. So perhaps you may some day yet come to see some glamour in grammar.
As we close tonight, let’s have two or three more of those interesting word origins we occasionally talk about.
What is the origin of “dumbbell”, the exercising device, and what is its re lation to the s lang term “dumbbe II”, a s low-witted person? I n the e I ghteenth century it became fashionable for persons In the upper classes of English society to strive to atta In the muscu lar deve lopment of the be II-ringers, who were famous for their strong ams. So at first a device was made to simulate the bell-ringers gallery without the bells. Joseph Addison, the essayist and founder of that early and most famous periodical, the Spectator, had one of these devices in his bedroom. It consisted of a rope, attached to weights, runn i ng over a pu Iley from the ce i I I ng. A wooden bar, knobbed at both ends to keep the hands from s II pp lng off, was knotted to the other end of the rope and hung just within reach of the person about to take the exercise. He could thus duplicate the bell-ringer’s motions and regulate the weight in order to demand various degrees of strength. Since there was no bell, it was called a “dumb bell”. later it was discovered that the rope and pulley was excess baggage; that the same resu It cou I d be obta i ned by simp I y I I ftl ng the bar.
This kind of dumbbel I has nothing to do with the slang phrase, however. That slang was originally directed only at the female sex, because it is a corruption of “dumb belle” — a young woman, beautiful but dumb — and In time it lost its sex distinction and became applied equally to slow-witted men. Is there any connection between infant and infantry? Yes, indeed there Is. In medieval Italy the personal attendant of a knight was called an “infante”, probably because he was likely to be little more than a boy. A collection of these retainers was called Infanteria — infantry. By the way, the origin of “infant” is from the Latin “in fans”.– not speaking.
Year: 1952