“He would gather her leaves and make them into crowns and play king of the forest”
The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
At Colby, everyone here has told me that I would be fine. Every professor and friend explained that I was smart and I was worrying about nothing. They don’t know me. Eight years ago, I could not imagine going to any college. I see it as a very low point in my life when I had the lowest grades, no common sense, and the highest naiveté possible. I was a leaf constantly blown from the wind of others. The leaf represented a symbol of my idiocy and carelessness. I was a pushover who did not care about anything in the world. This recklessness eventually crushed my leaf-like existence and taught me a lesson. Ever since that day, I try not to become what I once was, playing a tiring and constant role of a smart and happy person.
Anatomy and Physiology was a very gruesome and fascinating class. It was an interconnecting web of body systems, diseases, and infections. Since I was pre-med, I thought A&P was the perfect test to see if I was on the right path and if I had what it took. Quickly, I found out that A&P was definitely not easy. I was distraught by unsatisfied scores, anxiety, and low confidence. While I was studying for A&P, my friends would be skiing, smiling, and sleeping. Despite A&P’s fascinating material, I couldn’t help think that I made a mistake. Everyone seemed to know what they were doing. Because many classmates grew anxious about lab tests and weekly quizzes, I could not help but absorb their anxieties. As I grew more anxious, my heart grew heavier riddled with doubt and despair.
My once stable fortress, that I built since eight years ago, began to tumble down. What if I was not smart enough to become a doctor? How could I continue to maintain the persona of academic success? I constantly fought with my emotions trying to maintain a happy and calm demeanor. After reflecting these questions, I realized these questions were irrelevant because I remembered the answers.
I can’t be who I am not. I am definitely not the most intelligent nor the pinnacle model of academic success. But, I have a heart. I care about my family, friends, future, and, most importantly, myself. What others have in brains, I will make up with my heart. I will study harder and smarter, smile more, and live the dream of healing others. My dream was never to become a doctor, but to heal the unnecessary wounds and pain of others.
Technically, I learned a bunch of anatomy and physiology in a short amount of time. There were so many body systems were intriguing and learning about the pathology of the body was amazing. More importantly, I remembered that I was enough. The grades, tests, and comparisons to other students did not matter to me anymore. I am thankful for the support of my family and my will to thrive rather than survive my life. I am not a soldier who needs an armor of steel rather I am a scholar eager to learn. I look forward to soaking more information and build my own prosperous kingdom/destiny. It will never be easy because I am lacking in many areas, but I will always remember my roots. To me, the leaf no longer represents regret. It is a lesson to learn so I can be the best I can be. Therefore, A&P was like a leaf to me that I will cherish, and I cannot wait until my next one. I will gather all the leaves I can and look forward to more.