We all think that our relationships are stable but sometimes, what we believe might be far from the truth. Due to the romance novels, love quotes, or love stories we see on screen, we all have a warped idea of what love is, and sometimes we let our loved ones abuse us mentally, without knowing that what they are doing is detrimental to our mental health. On the other hand, some might feel that there should be much more excitement in their relationship, again, due to the media that we consume. This has caused a discrepancy between expectations and reality, which could be detrimental to the relationship itself.
When you aren’t interacting
Now there’s a difference between being comfortable with each other and not interacting. The former means that you don’t feel the need to fill every moment together with talk and banter, because you feel secure when you’re with your significant other. You might be ‘talking’ through your actions such as giving them a glass of water, holding their hand fleetingly, looking at what they are doing, or making sporadic remarks about the dog or a friend. However, if you’re feeling lonely and feel like talking but are unable to open your mouth because you’re afraid of how your partner might react, there is most definitely an underlying problem.
When talking feels like a chore
If you’re feeling criticized or put down every time you talk to one another, or if one thing leads to another and talking always ends in fighting, there’s a very clear communication problem going on. Sometimes it’s not as dramatic as that, and you come away from any form of communication from one another feeling drained or inexplicably hurt, there might be some form of emotional abuse. What starts off as “well meaning constructive criticism” may escalate into humiliation, which includes name-calling, character assasination, using sarcasm, or purposely pushing your buttons.
You’re keeping secrets
Not just about who you’re texting, but what you’re buying and where you are. If you’re purposely withholding information, it could be that you’re no longer comfortable sharing everything with your spouse or you’re simply straying away from your relationship. Financial infidelity or any form of keeping secrets can sometimes be much worse than having an actual affair.
When you’re having second thoughts
Thinking about starting an affair or wondering if you made the right choice by marrying your partner is also a sign that your relationship is facing problems. Even if it’s as simple as looking at a friend or a stranger and envisioning life with them, or being excited when your colleague texts. Only when our relationship is lacking do we start to find ways to make up for what we lack. Before you pursue an extramarital relationship, take a step back and consider online therapy or couples therapy instead.
Naya Clinics offer everything from pre-marital counselling to online couples therapy. They also have practices everywhere and therapists in Boston to Miami.