{"id":1535,"date":"2020-04-30T19:43:29","date_gmt":"2020-04-30T23:43:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/web.colby.edu\/coronaguidance\/?p=1535"},"modified":"2020-08-01T22:23:40","modified_gmt":"2020-08-02T02:23:40","slug":"august-saying-goodbye","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/web.colby.edu\/coronaguidance\/2020\/04\/30\/august-saying-goodbye\/","title":{"rendered":"Rabbi Tsurah August: Saying Good-Bye When You Cannot Be At Bedside"},"content":{"rendered":"

Saying our final Good-bye to a loved-one is hard enough.   Not being able to say Good-bye can be agonizing.<\/span><\/p>\n

This time of Covid-19 has prevented one of the most important natural human yearnings from being expressed:  Being with and saying good-bye to a dying loved-one. <\/span><\/p>\n

What <\/span>can <\/span>we do to have a \u201cLoving Good-bye\u201d  with our loved ones when we cannot be with them?<\/span><\/p>\n

3 months ago, this would not be a question. However, for the past 6 weeks it has become a painful question for so many of us.  Certainly, for patients and family members, but also for those of us, chaplains like me, who work with dying patients and their families, helping them cope with and help make their final hours with their loved ones more comforting, and meaningful.<\/span><\/p>\n

Over the  years, I\u2019ve received many phone calls to visit a dying patient and their family.  And, there have been times that, much as I would have liked to rush to a patient\u2019s bedside, this was not possible.  Instead, I guided their family members by phone in saying  good-bye.   <\/span><\/p>\n

I offer here suggestions on how to have a phone \u201cvisit\u2019, that I have used when extenuating circumstances prevented me and the family from being physically present.<\/span><\/p>\n

In advance of the \u201cvisit\u201d, invite your family members to join you in this \u201cloving good-bye\u201d and  set the means (Zoom, FaceTime, etc.) and time frame. Cap the time at 20-40 minutes, depending on how many people will be on the call. <\/span><\/p>\n

This works with only the family members on the call.   However, there may be a nurse or other staff able to help you connect the patient to the call.  Even an unconscious patient can hear. At the family\u2019s request,  a doctor set up a FaceTime call with me and an unconscious patient; I could see her responses to my words.  The Pastoral Care Office may be able to help you set up the call.<\/span><\/p>\n

You may want to begin the call by everyone lighting a candle in their own homes or looking at a photo of your loved one.  Feel free to be  creative!   Do whatever makes this feel like a special moment.<\/span><\/p>\n

If your family has a connection to a spiritual or religious path, you may consider beginning and ending the \u201cvisit\u201d with a prayer or blessing.<\/span><\/p>\n

There are 5 categories of \u201cgood-bye gifts\u201d that end-of-life professionals consider  to be helpful.  They can be said out loud by whomever wants to speak or held  silently.<\/span><\/p>\n